Pinay New Yorker

I woke up when the alarm buzzed a second time just before 6:30 this morning, but Father and Son were fast asleep so I went to the living room and did the routine blackberry check. Then I did the unthinkable and lay down on the sofa, unable to resist the urge to close my eyes again, telling myself I only needed five minutes. And I ended up waking up an hour later.

Oops!!

Instead of stressing myself out over it, I accepted the fact that I was late. I got the boys their breakfast, guzzled my coffee and went on my way. When I start late, everybody else starts later, so I offered to take Angelo to school to save Alan some time.

The conversations I have with my boy during those walks to and from the house to school are truly precious. What else would beat hearing this four-year-old proclaiming he loves me? We talk about people turning into flowers as he gleaned from a story his preschool teachers had read to him, and he asks me if the flowers we pass along the way were people. (I have to find out the title of that book and read it myself.). Although it took a few conversations, he eventually accepted that people turning into flowers is just a storyline and actually isn't reality.

He's beginning to show a stubborn streak in him. (A little bit of me and a little bit of his Dad.)  Sometimes it can be quite a struggle trying to keep my cool -- but I try to be both firm and patient with him.  I feel a different sense of security when his tiny hand clings to mine.. and I am continually surprised by his innocent utterances which I wish I could record and play over and over again.

They do play over and over again --- in my heart and in my head.

I don't have a perfect son.  His imperfections, though, serve to remind me he is human.  That he has a personality all his own, and that there is a part of him that is so much like his father and myself, but there is so much more that is uniquely him.  And like his Dad and I, he has his moods and quirks.  While his character at this point is malleable and subject to correction, I constantly remind myself he is a work in progress.  A four year old who thinks like a four year old.

I try to be firm and I try to be understanding.  Striking a balance between being patient and consistently teaching.  Is he spoiled?  I won't mince words and admit he is.  But he has a good heart which knows there are lines that cannot be crossed, not because he fears punishment, but because there are feelings that will be hurt and a Mom and Dad that will be frustrated.  So no, I do not threaten to put him in the dumpster like an aunt had done. I believe that a certain sense of fear is necessary, but not the kind of fear that will not make him see the reason behind the prohibition. 

I'm giving it my best shot although I sometimes wonder if I'm on the right track.  I look at him and I see him growing into his own person.  He makes me smile when he suddenly says "I love you, Mama..".  He may be able to read the letters of his name and he knows it when he sees it, and although he cannot write his name yet, I see no cause to worry.  We're taking it a day at a time..

I find it remarkable that even after it's been weeks since he left Manila, he constantly tells us of the things he remembers about his two-week visit there. "Like the Philippines," he would say. And his cousins Art and Ate Audrey are always on his mind. Whenever we browse for something for him and he sees a Disney Princess item, he asks me to get it for his Ate Audrey. When he asks me for a specific toy, he'll ask me to get one for his "baby cousin" Art as well.

It is very heart-warming to see the relationship he has developed with his cousins which I am encouraging, telling him they are like his own "brother" and "sister". It also gived him a better sense of an extended family beyond his Grandma and Grandpa. I've also started including my half sister's son in this circle of cousins. (She actually has a newborn daughter I don't know the name of just yet.). It's easier now to explain what my half sister is to me, given the fact that Angelo has his own half brother in his Kuya Mikey. (Different Mommy, we tell him.)

Part of our list of activities this long weekend is actually to make birthday and hello cards to everyone back home. We will be using his art work from our fingerpainting sessions from previous weeks. It's Ate Audrey's and Grandpa's birthday and we're sending a birthday package of gifts and a whole lot of love home to the family in Manila.

It meant that we were now into the more serious business of preparing him for the real world -- although it will be a step at a time, and tiny steps at that.  I felt proud.  And I must admit, I was very excited.  I immediately started putting the letters in a binder.  My little boy is going to pre-k!

Besides, it doesn't bode well for me to be "out of sight" on what is turning out to be a rather chaotic day. Mark my word, though, that things will calm down when I get to my desk. It always happens.

I woke up to an overcast sky and while the sun took a peek as Angelo and I walked to daycare, it seems to have decided to go hide again behind the cloud cover. At least it is not too hot out there. In fact it is quite pleasant!

---- On my way home at 4pm: The tyke had thrown up twice already. Both Alan and I got a call to get him, and although my mother-in-law has fetched him, I hastily left the office and am now just minutes away from home. Days like this remind me what my first job is which is being a mom. Time for me to sign off.

---- Watching Wonderpets with Angelo before bathtime: He's fine after all.  (What a relief!)  It might've just been indigestion because he's as normal as can be.

I always like to sneak up on him and just watch from the door window until he sees me or one of his friends tells him his Mom's here, after which he would literally light up and come running towards me. He has grown so much... Yet every time I hold his hand in mine, he's MY LITTLE BOY.

Sometimes, I see some young Asian Americans on the streets or on the bus, and I can't help but "imagine" how it would feel like when Angel was finally THAT age.

I'm almost sure we're going to go get his favorite Chicken McNuggets at McDonald's before heading for home. we walk slowly as I adjust to his shorter strides, and he talks and I listen. Sometimes we sing. It's just Mommy and him...

Originally posted in Motherhood, etc.

My company had our annual "Take Your Sons & Daughters to Work Day" last Thursday, and I sort of decided on the spur of the moment to take Angelo. It worked out just fine because my mother-in-law was having another eye procedure and wouldn't have been able to get Angel from daycare.

I have always taken every opportunity to show Angelo where Alan and I work. I want him not only to see where we are in our careers --- but I wanted him to see what he can achieve and surpass if he strives to do well in school. I have always believed that it is never too early to instill ambition in the boy.

The cafeteria and all its offerings was quite a trip for Angelo. We went back up to my office with two bananas. (I brought a full box of cereal and I had water, milk and juice in my pantry.). Other than the occasional embarrassmet of Angelo proclaiming he needed to "make peepee," he really behaved and having him around wasn't too much of a distraction. It was hard at times to tell him to wait for Mommy to finish an e-mail or to keep quiet as I spoke with someone on the phone. We even had a nice polaroid taken with the company mascot which he did not want to let go of.

He actually wanted to go back with me the next day and I had to explain to him we don't normally bring kids to work. It was just a special occasion that's why there were so many "little people" in the office when he was there. My colleague who is the second assistant in the office have agreed that we will bring our little ones during this big event when all the bosses travel on a major recognition conference. I am already looking forward to that.